The pictures say it all.

It was a good Christmas.

CHRISTMAS RULES!!!!

Wow, the past 24 hours has been awesome. Here are a few highlights of Christmas Eve, I will add pictures and highlights of Christmas DAY later.

• I worked on my dad's sock monkey for 4 hours while watching the Tacoma City's Ballet on TV.


• I went to Tom Raden's house for Christmas Eve nightime activities.


• We added costumes to our annual "Twas the Night Before Christmas" reading.


• I wore a new Christmas nightgown.


• Cooper wore antlers.


• Kyle, Tom, Andre and I played Cranium. MY TEAM WON. (Kyle's team... did not.)


• Haha!

The eve was awesome.... but the day (so far) has ruled all. Updates to come.

JFC Report

The JFC has come and gone. It was fine. My mom has a JFC hangover (mental/emotional/physical, not alcohol). She occasionally mutters things to me like "The JFC is over" and "Mmm-schmulff-mmsch."

(*JFC = Jobe Family Christmas)

At this year's JFC, the following things happened:

• I got a GameStop gift card for $25.

• Molly, my 8-year-old cousin, WHOOPED my brother Derek (age 15) on Wii Bowling.

• Tucker forced me to hold him for 3 hours.

• My mom did not get $50 from Grandpa Jobe. (Everyone has for the past like 15 years. Now he has a new hot grandma-wife and she spends all his money. So all the grandkids got $20 and grown-ups got nothing. Poor Lulu.)

• Kyle had "the flu."

• I ate 2 sandwich roll things (high-rollers), 3 cream puffs, several potato chips, 149 grapes, a few bites of Caesar salad, and an unbelivably delooshous cookie bar with bits of heaven baked into it.

• My stomach flab hung over my pants.

• I played with the children because all the adults were ignoring them.

• I was the life of the party, as usual.

All in all, a pretty good JFC.

Look at that face! Best snow smile ever!

Is there anyone cuter in the world?

I miss them.

Whoops

Yesterday, when I was wrapping presents at work, my khaki pants BURST in half, from the top of my butt all the way around to the bottom of my zipper in the front.

I think it's time to hit the gym.

I want a dog more than I want a boyfriend.

Here are some of the dogs I want.

My job ROCKS Googleplex

I have the best job in the world. Rebound of Whatcom County RULES ALL.

This Christmas, I have gotten to match up families living in poverty with sponsors for Christmas presents. The families are all from our programs, so I know most of them and there is NOTHING more awesome than being able to talk to someone in need and to be able to say, "Oh, no big deal, we can help you with that."

So it's just awesome and THEN sometimes you get a story like this:

There is a single mom, Sarah, with four kids, ages 5, 10, 12, and 16. She recently fled a domestic violence situation, and is living in poverty trying to make ends meet. She had been searching for work for months but it was hard to find as a Bosnian refugee with limited education and skills. She finally found a job in late November working as a cleaning lady in a nursing home. She is months behind on her bills and when I called her in November to ask her if she was interested in our Christmas Giving program, she had already told her kids that they wouldn't have Christmas at all this year. She was so grateful!

SO, I hooked them up with a sponsor, hooray! Christmas presents for all!

Oh, but it just gets better.

Sarah called a few weeks later to let me know that what she really needed for her kids was clothes, not toys. They just moved and their house is empty, her kids clothes are in rags, and she has absolutely no money to spend on these problems. They don't have sheets for their beds or pillows, and she doesn't have enough money to pay for her gas to work.

On top of all this, her neighbor (a recovering drug addict) was having surgery OVER CHRISTMAS (December 22-27) and her two little girls, ages 4 and 5, were going to be staying with Sarah. She asked me if there was any way we could include these little girls into her family for Christmas Giving, as they have nothing themselves.

So of course, we did.

Just a few days ago, Sarah called me, so grateful that her sponsor had dropped off 2 presents for each of her kids. She nervously asked me if I had told the sponsor about the need for clothing. I assured her that I had, but I didn't know what the sponsor chose to buy.

It really got on my heart that this was a deserving family and I really wanted to specially bless them this season. But with only a few days left, what could I do?

I emailed all the Rebound volunteers and staff and asked if anyone could donate anything for this family, and briefly told them Sarah's story.

THE NEXT DAY, someone decided to sponsor her family specifically to buy them new clothing! Some others are getting together to buy her a gas card! And someone is buying Sarah scrubs to wear at her new job!

AND THEN SOMEONE DROPPED OFF A 450 DOLLAR GIFT CARD FOR THEM! The donor wanted to give a gift card instead of pre-bought gifts so Sarah could buy the things she really needed (and liked) for her own family. They deserve it so much!

And I GET TO BRING IT ALL TO HER TOMORROW!

Yeah, people coming together! My job rules, my life is awesome, I love this career.

Light-up Pickles

I am so interesting that I am full of interesting facts. A few of which include:

• Flamingos pee on their legs to cool themselves off.


• California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.


• 97% of all paper money in the US contains traces of cocaine.


• If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.


• An albatross can sleep while it flies.


• It was illegal to sell E.T. dolls in France because there is a law against selling dolls without human faces.


• During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair.


• A group of frogs is called an army.


• Butterflies taste with their feet.


• With two forks and a charge, a pickle will emit light.


• There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.


• The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.


• Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.

Those are some USEFUL facts! And how about that 590 miles of hair? And what's with the sleeping albatross? Isn't that kind of like drunk driving? Shouldn't someone be keeping the skies a little safer? And I feel like flamingos have got quite an idea going there. That's almost like a fact I learned from Jodi -

• "When stretched out, your small intestine can wrap all the way around the world!"

Hm. Let's review that....... All the way around the world? Really Jodi?

• "Oh, no, I think I just meant to the moon and back."

Hm. Really? Is that what you meant? Thanks, Jodi. I'm glad she cleared that up.

(For those of you that are unsure, the fact that Jodi gave us is, in fact, an unfact. Do not believe it. In humans over 5 years old, your small intestine is approximately 21 ft long.

Circumference of earth: 24,902 miles

Distance from earth to the moon: approximately 238,857 miles

Distance to the moon AND BACK: 477,714 miles

And once again, your small intestine: 21 ft )

A child's last day on earth....

An Explanation

As many of you have noted, my blog has not been updated much this week. I have heard from many of you in your despair, and I realize that you have suffered from the lack of intereting information in your lives.

Fear not, little ones, for I am back.

And really, do you think that I don't have a good excuse? In fact, I do.

So, about a week ago, I was putting my laundry away in my non-closet (my room used to be a dining room so there is no closet, just some hooks on the wall) and as I was hanging up my furry winter coats, I was compelled to step further into my non-closet.

There were fir trees around me. And snow flakes. And an air of the evil magic of a winter witch.

That's right, my friends, I was pulled into Narnia. I had so much to do there, it really is as tiring as it seems when you read the books.

So, do do do, I fought some battles and rode a phoenix and conquered the witch. It was pretty cool. I'll blog more about it later, but I don't want to overwhelm you all with my amazingly interesting life.

So once again, I apologize for my absense this last week or so. There is limited internet access in Narnia, but I was able to take some time out mid-week to write one blog entry (as you see posted below.)

However, I am back in America now, and I will be blogging as normal. If you have any questions about my adventures in Narnia, please contact me or read my books.

I am funnier than Kelly

Kelly thinks she is soooo funny. Just because of all her flashy jewelry and her model's body and her pounds and pounds of cash. Well, Kelly, I have news for you.

You are only moderately funny.

If you think about it logically, I have known you for ten years. If you really are as funny as you claim to be, a good portion of that time I would have to have spent laughing at one of your jokes, right? For you even to get a C- in being funny, I would have had to be laughing for 70% of that time. (I am basing my percentage scale on my public schooling experience.)

70% of 10 years is 7 years. If I laughed that much, I would be dead. Which I am not, which goes to show that you are only moderately funny. And you are trying to kill me.

I am going to work on some jokes just to show everyone how awesomely funny I am and then I am going to out-blog you.

Just wait.

Googleplex

Okay, so I have the #1 best job ever (Flying Colors Tutoring Program Coordinator.) But you all know about that, and so I wanted to let you know about the #2 best job ever.

#2 best place to work: Google

Their office is called the GOOGLEPLEX. Here are some of its features:

• Lobby Décor - Piano, lava lamps, and live projection of current search queries from around the world.
  
  
  




• Hallway Décor - Bicycles and large rubber exercise balls on the floors, press clippings from around the world posted on bulletin boards everywhere.
  
  




• Recreation Facilities - Workout room with weights and rowing machine, locker rooms, washers and dryers, massage room, assorted video games, Foosball, baby grand piano, pool table, ping pong, roller hockey twice a week in the parking lot.
  




• Google Café - Healthy lunches and dinners for all staff. Stations include "Charlie’s Grill," "Back to Albuquerque," "East Meets West" and "Vegheads." Outdoor seating for sunshine daydreaming.
  




• Snack Rooms - Bins packed with various cereals, gummi bears, M&Ms, toffee, licorice, cashew nuts, yogurt, carrots, fresh fruit and other snacks. Dozens of different drinks including fresh juice, soda and make-your-own cappuccino.

• Coolest stop on the tour - A three-dimensional rotating image of the world on permanent display on a large flat panel monitor in the office of the engineer who created it. What makes it special is the toggle switch that allows you to view points of light representing real time searches rising from the surface of the globe toward space, color coded by language. Toggle and you can see traffic patterns for the entire Internet. Worth a trip to the second floor.

* taken from google.com/corporate/culture

All the (gourmet) food for employees is free. They have a health center with doctors and nurses on staff all the time. And a childcare facility for your kids. And a hair salon. You can bring your dog to work. You can decorate your desk however you want. You don't have to dress up. You can set your own hours. YOUR LIFE IS AWESOME.

Also, working at Rebound is almost exactly the same. Just a few months ago, Mancub and I shared a Hot'n'Ready pizza on our way to the storage unit and we saw a dog outside.

List of the Day

If the People in My Life Were Cartoons, This Is Who They'd Be:

• Mom - Minnie Mouse



• Dad - Underdog



• Kyle - Lightening McQueen



• Ryan - Tazmanian Devil



• Derek - Tweedle Dee



• Carolyn - Nala



• Jacson - Johnny Bravo



• Lynn - Mulan



• Jodi - Flounder



• Morgan - Patty Mayonnaise



• Becca - Kanga



• Chris - Mighty Mouse



• Carla - Powerpuff Girl



• Sharon - She-Ra



• Emily - Strawberry Shortcake



• Kristen - Spongebob Squarepants



• Shannon - Tinker Bell



• Christine - Funshine Bear



• Whitni - Mr. Smee



• Ashley - Mrs. Incredible



• Katie - Arial



• Annie - Cogsworth



• Rachel - Cinderella

• Terre - Yzra

• Grandma - The Green M&M

• Grandpa - Pink Panther



• Me - Dory



• Kelly Walden - Cruella DeVil

Special

To help you see what's important here at our office, I thought I'd post this little ditty that BaumGal put together.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to give a little Shout Out to a special someone I like to call Seymour. (Or C. Moore, to help you out with the pseudonym.) Seymour is a special gal. Sometimes she is my BFF. Sometimes she laughs so hard she cries. Sometimes she is intentionally comfy. Once, she asked me to show her some "moves." (I did, as I have many moves.)

Thank you.

25 Days of Christmas

I have the coolest brother ever. Every day in the month of December, he is going to wear a different tacky Christmas sweater or shirt. I believe he is the Spirit of Christmas. Actually, so does he. Kind of extremely seriously.

Thank you again, my fans, for your very kind notes/compliments on my blog. I can be at peace that my blog is achieving it's mission statement - to outblog Kelly/enrich the lives of thousands.

Why do I have so many freaking friends? I've decided to MAKE all of my Christmas presents this year and geeze. If I was a big loser with no friends this would be super-easy. But noooooo, I have to be all popular and have dozens of friends that are eagerly anticipating giving me gifts for Christmas. Thus, I am MAKING them one in return. And let me tell you, one present per friend in my life is a very large task.

I'm bored and I've only been at work for a half hour.

HUGE NEWS: I found the WINTER OLYMPICS PLAYSTATION 2 GAME! Who knew that they made these and didn't tell me? Unacceptable. I love the Olympics.

Here is a list to get you through the day:

THINGS ON MY DESK AT WORK

1. Tape
2. 3 picture frames
3. Funshine bear
4. Planner
5. Sticky note that reads: Prof. Mancub - call Baron sometime. Sincerely, JFK
6. Jar of pens, including one that has a light-up smily face (frightening- where did I get that?) and an abnormally tall, beaked, fluffy pen (my favorite)
7. Phone
8. 3 empty mugs
9. A fox riding a motorcycle (from the inside of a Kinder Egg)
10. Oh! One of those awesome White-Out roller stripe things. I didn't know I had that! Yeah!
11. AirBorne
12. Would You Rather? Day Calendar (currently reads: Would you rather have a beard of bees or an Afro of crazy straws?)
13. Purple comb
14. Computer
15. Planner
16. My arms

Love and friendship to all.

Coffee and a bagel

So last night I had a horrible nightmare. It was awful. I was spinning around in circles (like you would if you were trying to get yourself to be dizzy, and I was having so much fun. Then a truck drove by and a man with a gun got out and wanted to shoot me. IT WAS AWFUL.

I was all sweaty when I woke up and mad about guns.

Also, when I searched for an image of a gun, this was across the top:

Did you mean: n-2848330477_q-BdxQRHJ7SAiBHlfMgYU9cQAAAA@@?

What? Literally, all I typed in was "gun." Usually is like if I typed in "Raden" they might say "Did you mean radeon?" or something that is a recognizable word. Is that code searched very often?

I am at work early today and that means that I win for best employee.

Oh my gosh, I have not yet mentioned on my blog that I am an Americorps VISTA. It's pretty much the most important fact about my life. I need an American Flag up in here: Excellent. Every time Lynn or I see a flag, we salute. We have to. I mean, no one told us we have to, but we just kind of know it's one of the unspoken rules. So we frequently salute, because there are a lot of American flags in America.

I thank everyone for the incredibly positive feedback I've been getting about my blog. I mean, I expected compliments, obviously, but the response has been even more overwhelmingly joyful than I had anticipated. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow. Look at that face. The amount of joy shown on that face is exactly proportional to the amount of joy I feel whenever I walk into a surprise party that someone has thrown for me. Also, whenever I open a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

I have eleven minutes left at work, and I am eating the crumbs from a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos Lynn left for Mancub and I (Mancub is my boss) and writing in my blog.

Shouldn't you be working? someone might ask

Uh, hello. No. You don't have to actually work for the last 15 minutes of work. Here are the times you don't have to work:

1) The first 30 minutes of the day.

2) Whenever you have to go to the bathroom, and the 3-4 minutes before and after (when you talk to your co-workers on your way to and from).

3) During your lunch break (approx. 30 minutes) as well as sthe 15 minutes before lunch and the 15 minutes after

4) When someone sends you a funny e-card, or email (approx. 15 minutes: 0-1 to download, 2-3 to read to yourself, 5-7 to recruit co-workers to watch it with you, 4-5 to discuss it after watching it)

5) When Mancub brings pictures of himself as a college kid into work for everyone's enjoyment (Then you are laughing too hard to work.)

6) When you are eating Cool Ranch Doritos (or any other snack, for that matter)

7) When you are tired

8) When you don't want to

9) When you are blogging

10) The last 15 minutes of the day

See? Right now, since #6, #8 AND #10 are all true, there is no way that I should have to work. Excellent. It's too bad not everyone knows these rules. See? That's why my blog is so important for everyone to read.

Ah, changing the world, one post at a time.

Thank you.

Mission Statement

The purpose of this blog is to out-blog Kelly Jean Walden's blog. My blog will strive to be better in all ways: more interesting, more entertaining, more popular more everything. It will taste better, smell good, feel like a warm hug, and satisfy hunger.

One might call it The Top Blog.

I will only be able to post from work, however, because my internet at home isn't working. That shouldn't be a problem, though, because I'm exceptionally talented at taking lengthy lunch breaks.

You can find Kelly's blog at http://kellyjeanwalden.blogspot.com. I welcome you to read hers, read mine, compare, and then tell me why mine is better.