Coffee and a bagel

So last night I had a horrible nightmare. It was awful. I was spinning around in circles (like you would if you were trying to get yourself to be dizzy, and I was having so much fun. Then a truck drove by and a man with a gun got out and wanted to shoot me. IT WAS AWFUL.

I was all sweaty when I woke up and mad about guns.

Also, when I searched for an image of a gun, this was across the top:

Did you mean: n-2848330477_q-BdxQRHJ7SAiBHlfMgYU9cQAAAA@@?

What? Literally, all I typed in was "gun." Usually is like if I typed in "Raden" they might say "Did you mean radeon?" or something that is a recognizable word. Is that code searched very often?

I am at work early today and that means that I win for best employee.

Oh my gosh, I have not yet mentioned on my blog that I am an Americorps VISTA. It's pretty much the most important fact about my life. I need an American Flag up in here: Excellent. Every time Lynn or I see a flag, we salute. We have to. I mean, no one told us we have to, but we just kind of know it's one of the unspoken rules. So we frequently salute, because there are a lot of American flags in America.

I thank everyone for the incredibly positive feedback I've been getting about my blog. I mean, I expected compliments, obviously, but the response has been even more overwhelmingly joyful than I had anticipated. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow. Look at that face. The amount of joy shown on that face is exactly proportional to the amount of joy I feel whenever I walk into a surprise party that someone has thrown for me. Also, whenever I open a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

I have eleven minutes left at work, and I am eating the crumbs from a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos Lynn left for Mancub and I (Mancub is my boss) and writing in my blog.

Shouldn't you be working? someone might ask

Uh, hello. No. You don't have to actually work for the last 15 minutes of work. Here are the times you don't have to work:

1) The first 30 minutes of the day.

2) Whenever you have to go to the bathroom, and the 3-4 minutes before and after (when you talk to your co-workers on your way to and from).

3) During your lunch break (approx. 30 minutes) as well as sthe 15 minutes before lunch and the 15 minutes after

4) When someone sends you a funny e-card, or email (approx. 15 minutes: 0-1 to download, 2-3 to read to yourself, 5-7 to recruit co-workers to watch it with you, 4-5 to discuss it after watching it)

5) When Mancub brings pictures of himself as a college kid into work for everyone's enjoyment (Then you are laughing too hard to work.)

6) When you are eating Cool Ranch Doritos (or any other snack, for that matter)

7) When you are tired

8) When you don't want to

9) When you are blogging

10) The last 15 minutes of the day

See? Right now, since #6, #8 AND #10 are all true, there is no way that I should have to work. Excellent. It's too bad not everyone knows these rules. See? That's why my blog is so important for everyone to read.

Ah, changing the world, one post at a time.

Thank you.

Mission Statement

The purpose of this blog is to out-blog Kelly Jean Walden's blog. My blog will strive to be better in all ways: more interesting, more entertaining, more popular more everything. It will taste better, smell good, feel like a warm hug, and satisfy hunger.

One might call it The Top Blog.

I will only be able to post from work, however, because my internet at home isn't working. That shouldn't be a problem, though, because I'm exceptionally talented at taking lengthy lunch breaks.

You can find Kelly's blog at http://kellyjeanwalden.blogspot.com. I welcome you to read hers, read mine, compare, and then tell me why mine is better.