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I have been so productive at work today.

No Title Necessary

Pain.

This morning I accidentally used contact cleaner instead of saline solution when putting in one of my contacts.

I cannot express how much that hurt.

But I can try: Imagine having a vial of potent acid and not pouring it into your eye - no, that would be too easy. You use a tiny eye-shaped suction cup and rub it in the acid and then adhere the acid-soaked suction cup directly to your eyeball. Just imagine that. If you do, you might understand 4% of how much my eye hurt this morning.

So I am wearing glasses today.

To Do List

1. Take out garbage
2. Figure out which of my contacts is inside out
3. Switch work computers
4. Commit a crime that benefits me (like stealing from Best Buy or a bank) and frame Kelly effectively
5. Refill water bottle
6. Call mom
7. Vacuum bedroom
8. Call Lynn and only speak in rhyming phrases
9. Figure out when KyKy the Clown is coming to town (example of rhyming I could use with Lynn)
10. Save up to buy a boat
11. Perform my daily chant to Ra, the Egyptian god of the mid-day sun
12. Mail Sam's birthday present
13. Go to Australia
14. Mail Kyle's birthday present
15. Go to Bible Study
16. Buy a rifle
17. Learn 7 interesting facts
18. Design Sharon's new "LadyCub" graffiti tag

Oooookay.

How can I get a hug from a giant cat? Does anyone know? This needs to happen in my life.

Is this professional?

I sit in the front room at my office. I have a pink water bottle that has a squishy plastic straw attached to the lid. Very convenient.

Anyway, today I realized that most of the time I am at my computer, I have my head hunched over with the straw in my mouth. I occasionally drink some water. But even when I'm not drinking, I have the straw in my mouth.

I need Lynn again to play the "Is This Socially Appropriate?" game with me.

Don't Judge Me....

...because I didn't post last week. Not that much happened.

HOWEVER, much DID happen this weekend! I went on a blind date with Raquetball Ray. Here are some facts about the date:

1. RR is hilarious.


2. We went to a laser show - LASERQUEEN.


3. I had a chai tea.


4. I learned what "going dutch" means.


5. We talked to several crazy Seattlites.

It was very much fun. And thus, I embark on a new section of my life. The Blind Date section. No, Era. The Blind Date Era. That's what I call it.

Also, I went to the zoo with Kelly. PSYCH. I wanted to go to the zoo with Kelly, but Kelly is a huge baby and didn't want to go only because we couldn't find a parking spot within 2.5 miles of the zoo parking lot. Psh. So what? Anyway, we did end up going out to greek food and it was very greek and delicious.

AND Kelly and I saw a bridge go up for a boat! That was the most exciting.

I'm at work now.... so I should be working....

This Weekend in Review:

Here are things that happened this weekend:

• Took several naps


• Painted bedrooms at an in-patient facility for teen girls addicted to drugs with RCC Saturday morning


• The room I helped paint was the best


• Went out to breakfast at the Little Cheerful


• Let Carolyn dress me up fancy


• Bought an eyelash curler from Fred Meyer


• Watched the finale of AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!!


• Went to Poppe's for HLP time and had a Gummi Bear (not just like one gummi bear but a martini CALLED a Gummi Bear, you knuckleheads)


• Watched Friends episodes


• Took a walk downtown in the awesome sunshine


• Went shopping at the outlets in Marysville and bought fun things


• Cleaned my room

I was very productive. Some people call me Productive Patty. Or if they called me Productive Peggy it'd be like I was named after my mom. When she was in foster care as a baby they called her PEGGY. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HI PEGGY. I wonder if Peggy is reading this. Maybe they spelled it a different way.

Peggy, how was your name spelled as an infant? Peggie? Peggi? Pegy? Pehgee? Pehgy? Peghee? Peghie? There are so many ways to spell Peggy!

I'm so interesting.

People with accents are just cooler than regular people

I have recovered now from the finger episode. Physically, at least. It will be awhile before I can fully emotionally and spiritually recover from it.

So I was watching SuperNanny last night and I was like, my voice is so boring. I bet people would like me better if I had an awesome voice. So I'm trying out some different things.

Ideas for my new voice:

• British accent
• New York accent
• Southern accent
• Traveler's accent
• Fake speech impediment
• Fake lisp
• Whistling all my s's
• Talking in monotone
• Australian accent
• Singing instead of speaking.

Wait! I already do one of those things. Can you guess which one? This is a friendship test. Who knows me the best? Who can answer that question?

My finger is red and swollen.

Why, you ask? Here are the facts:

1. I am wearing a fairly new pair of pants.
2. Because the pants are fairly new, the back pockets are still sewn shut*
3. While I was talking to the board of directors president at our organization today, I was fiddling with my back pocket (still sewn shut.)
4. I realized that the corner of the pocket had a small un-sewn area, and that it was roughly finger-sized. I wiggled my finger into my back pocket absent mindedly.
5. I continued to talk with the board president.
6. There came a moment where I wanted to use my hands to gesture, and as such I lifted my hand from behind me.
7. Oh wait! I pulled my pants up and twisty, because my finger didn't come out of the pocket.
8. I ignored that that moment happened and continued to talk to the board president. (Who, by the way, is a man who I would guess is in his late fifties.)
9. As we talked, my panic rose higher and higher. No matter how I twisted my finger, I couldn't get it out of my pants.
10. The board president left.
11. I cried out to Rachel, "Shredder!** I can't get my finger out of my pants!!! Seriously!"
12. Shredder laughed at me.
13. I had her hold my pants on both sides of my finger, and on 1-2-3 I yanked my finger upwards and twisty-like.
14. My finger DID NOT COME OUT.
15. I started freaking out.
16. Shredder was laughing to hard to be very useful.
17. My finger really hurt at this point.
18. I had to give Sharon her messages because she was in a hurry to leave, so I had to access my computer left-handed because literally, there was no way to get my freaking finger out of my pants. It absolutely would not fit. I don't know if it had swollen from my panic or what, but it would not come out.
19. It was very difficult to do things with my finger stuck in my back pocket.
20. I should mention that it was the pointer finger on my right hand.
21. While I was talking to Sharon about her messages, Shredder got some SCISSORS and started SNIPPING near the area of concern. By my butt.
22. She poked me slightly with the scissors.
23. She laughed again .
24. She finally managed to snip the thread that was restraining me and
25. FREEDOM.
26. Now my finger is red and swollen. Seriously. What's the deal with the dangerous pants, here?

* I would like you to note that I don't know if back pockets of pants are supposed to stay sewn. I usually undo the sewing so they are just regular pocket-y pockets. I have always assumed that you are supposed to do that, but I don't know how the general public feels.

** I call Rachel "Shredder."

A few questions for you to answer

1) Did you know that when you wash your hands, you should scrub for approximately the duration of 2 rounds of the "Happy Birthday" song?

2) Do you do that?

3) Whose name do you put in the song when you're singing it?

Just wondering.

Vasovagal or Syncope?

Today, I went to the doctor's office. I told them that sometimes I faint when people draw my blood. They drew my blood. I fainted in the hallway.I warned them.


** I looked up 'vasovagal' and 'syncope' online, because I thought they were 2 different "disorders" and people have told me on different occasions that I have both - but I read online that they're just the 2 words in the title of the same thing. Phew! That clears up my confusion, and I'm sure, yours.

Just a treat for you

Very sexy.

Two things

1) My password for this blog is really funny and I wish I could tell you all what it was, because then you would laugh and think I was really funny.

2) Sharon saw Fats Domino's house when she was in New Orleans last week!

Lulu Day February 2008!

My mom came to Bellingham. My mom is the coolest mom that has ever lived. Here are some reasons why she is a cool mom:

1) She is drinking a pina colada with me in this picture

2) She can almost still do the splits

3) She buys me clothes so I won't be a fashion-tard

4) She respects Snowy

5) Once, I was in the living room doing homework and my mom was in the kitchen putting away the dishes. She was reaching up high to put some plates away and she dropped one and it smashed on the floor. Non-hip moms would have said something like, "Shoot!" or "Shooty-booty!" But not my mom. My mom started singing and dancing around the kitchen, singing "Another one bites the dust!"

I laughed for a long, long time.

6) All my friends like her

7) She can whistle the Pledge of Allegience

8) She is an IBO

9) When she owns animals, they live longer than they naturally should. (I think she loves life so much that she infuses it into them and they just never want to die.)

10) She's MY mom, and since I am cool, she has to be cool. I grew in her.

So that's my mom. Lulu Day February 2008 was awesome, and we're planning on having another Lulu Day, maybe Lulu Day March 2008. Don't miss it.

My New Job

I have a new job! I am the Children's Ministry Director at Roosevelt Community Church.

http://www.rooseveltcc.org/

*Note: I also still have my other job, as Head Honcho i.e. Flying Colors Tutoring Program Director at Rebound of Whatcom County via Americorps.

< ------- Me with a child.

Darn it

After I was at work today for about an hour and a half, I realized that my shirt was tucked into my pants and I looked like one of those kids that stayed in for recess to help the librarian. Thanks for letting me know, co-workers.

Is there a stray dog problem in Bellingham?

Since I have been at my new desk with a window to the outside world, 3 stray dogs have wandered by. None of them stopped to greet me, so they were actually 3 RUDE stray dogs.


One of them wandered by today; he was speckley black and white. He was trotting at a semi-brisk pace. He looked friendly enough, except for he wasn't because he didn't STOP TO SAY HELLO.




I want a dog.


<---- Look at him! Don't you want a dog, too? I sure want this dog. Do you think he's for sale?

WHOA, there he was again! Mr Speckles! He's trying to torment me. He's all like, "Hey, I'm all dog-doggersons and you don't have a dog! hahah!" Ruditude.

Here are the kinds of dogs that potentially want:

1. A Puggle
2. A Havanese
3. A Bichon Frise
4. A mutty-mutt-mutt

Results are in

In a poll by Raden Researchers, the Camelbak Water Bottle with the Nifty Straw wins for Best Water Bottle ever.

Do you have one? If you don't, get one. If you do have one, then your water drinking has been revolutionized already and you should be preaching the Good News alongside me.

Go buy yours today!